ph just gave me a new name. we always give one another new nicknames or other people we like or detested names accordingly.

she called me the observer.

i like that.

i tend to look at things, people, animals, aliens, whatever and zoom into them.

i tend to pick up things others are too busy or distracted to pick up.

i like being that invisible wallpaper girl who notices your insecurities and idiosyncrasies.

it gives me a surge of powerful feelings, like knowing the deepest, darkest secrets of the witching hour or something.

of course i may not always get them right but i'm right most times.

there're some people who i just can't 'see' and some are so good at concealing their emotions and body language that i can't figure them out.

these people intrigue me.

they're like a mystery novel, waiting to be unvealed, a present which i anxiously tear open to discover the contents, be it good or bad.

i'm the impatient sort.

i want to know all i want to know. now.

i like living for the present, the past and the future all at one time, and what's wrong with that?

i was just having a quiet moment with myself and i realised that all my life, i have been responding to people's cues of who i should be.

what is so wrong with not wanting to be stuck at the same spot, working in a 9-5 job which i detest, when i would rather be out running in a field filled with pretty flowers?

sometimes when you catch me thinking, i would be dreaming of exploring space, playing with an imaginery puppy, having a conversation with a long-lost friend in my head.

i like to make up things in my head.

i guess not many people can understand that.

have you ever watched the show powder?

how exhilarating to be able to be free from everything and be part of the energy, to return to where you come from, your atoms, matter returning to their original point.

no, i'm not turning crazy.

i was suddenly struck with intense fear on friday night while having supper with patrick.

i had no idea where i was heading.

i was giving up tasmania, something that held me together during my most miserable moments.

i had a goal.

now, it seems like i don't have much to hold on to.

people i know all are doing something. i'm not. i'm just feeling my way in the dark.

then it hit me.

i don't want to do what they are all doing.

i want to see and taste the world differently.

i have no destination.

i only crave the journey.

i only wish people will stop asking me what i want to do because i want to do everything.